https://bit.ly/3QCDnls https://bit.ly/3QCDnSu https://bit.ly/3UOytnT https://bit.ly/3UQCnNa https://bit.ly/3UNmkj4 https://bit.ly/3woRyUm https://bit.ly/3UPpHG3 https://bit.ly/3QwMPXC https://bit.ly/3wsMvlS So ladies, if you’re looking for a fast commitment (or possibly a ready-made family), this could be your man. If you’re ready for babies too, then jump right in. Careful, he’ll cling like crazy… but there’s nothing more flattering than a man that wants to make a mini version of you. Right?
Matchbox cars – it hurts my fingers to type Hyundai Excel, Ford Festiva and Honda Jazz. Ladies, this is a man who thinks with his wallet and his brain, and never his heart, his gut or his manhood. The sensible, passionless, organised man. Even accountants don’t drive these cars. The successful ones anyway. If he’s over 18, there’s no excuse. If he’s under 18, what the hell are you doing with a teenager!?!
What can you expect from the matchbox car owner? Dinner at Fasta Pasta, that’s what. Or takeaway Sizzler! (See Take2: Bachelor Number Six) And can I say, don’t expect foreplay, or a sneaky make-out session in a crowd. Your weekends will be planned and affordable, and you’re more likely to come home to him alphabetising your canned goods than a surprise holiday to the tropics. Sorry ladies, I cannot recommend this category of car owner for any of you. It’s just not right.
The Bombs – Now for me, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’m talking about the car that has putty on the door, or different panels are different colours, or it smokes more than Charlie Sheen on a night out. There are two categories of bomb-driver: the bum, and the tinkerer. The bum has a bomb car because it was all he could afford, or more likely his cousin gave it to him out of pity or because he couldn’t get a dime trading it in. It’s full of rubbish, he has a southern cross tattoo and a pack of Winfield Blues tucked into his shirt sleeve. I don’t think I need to go into details about how bad this guy is, and how important it is you stay out of that car (even if it’s only to reduce the likelihood of catching Hep C from snagging your skin on the seat spring).
