Yes, we do things that aren’t natural. And a lot of people are unhappy and stressed out as a result. There is loads of research in economics and psychology that shows humans don’t behave rationally. There’s even a bestselling book about it: Predictably Irrational.

Until very recently (culturally speaking) monogamy was a one-way thing: men of means (i.e. the most desirable men) had multiple wives.

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Paula says:
August 9, 2011 at 7:49 pm
I might disagree that we are hard-wired to do those things, Selena, in that, for your computer example, we have an innate desire to connect and communicate, we have five fingers on each hand which allow us to type quickly enough to facilitate communication that is in the same ballpark of rapidity as human speech, and we have a collective ingenuity that has enabled us to figure out methods of communicating with people who aren’t in the room. And swans and penguins aren’t higher primates, which is what we were discussing.

But I agree 100% that monogamy is a choice, and if you choose to embrace it, you need to embrace its consequences, for better or for worse. For better, you should be getting a more reliable partner who is more likely to take care of you when needed, cooperate with you in raising family members, and who will pool resources with you for your mutual good. And who will engage in sexual contact with you in some frequency, preferably one that is mutually acceptable to both parties. For worse, it means you sacrifice sexual variety, and in some cases, either fantasy fulfillment or sexual frequency (or both). If you can’t live with that bargain, or you accept it but the other partner isn’t holding up his or her end, then you should end it rather repeatedly violating that bargain.


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